Hi everyone! *Waves* - note - this post has no real point or direction. Just what is going through my brain!

Ready for a post that is all over the place? If so, read on!

I have backed off playing 2nd life every day. I go in now maybe once a week. My Psychiatrist said 2nd life is good for me because of being in the house with out a way to go anywhere - It is a place where I can have socialization with adults. I was playing SL every day for over 10 hours a day.

I realized that was WAY too much time to be in a virtual world no matter how much socialization there was. The most important socialization in my life is my family and I was kinda letting that slip a bit.

**If you have been reading me here or my Dakk Mcdunnough Facebook page, you can skip this whole section... just giving info on my wreck and what has happened to me since them**

I have a lot of work to do on myself. Some of you know I was in a bad car accident in 2000. I am not missing any limbs but I have a lot of internal problems and a small brain injury. I have had a constant headache since the car accident and it spikes to a migraine 2-3 times a week.

I have Fibromyalgia, Occipital Neuralgia, torn disk at L5, no curve in my neck or back (the muscles and tendons are pulled really tight) and my Atlas (top bone in the spine) touches the skull pinching important nerves up there.

My left arm is completely numb, I can use it but I have diminished feeling in the whole thing from the shoulder down - EMG showed definite damage. And my whole face is numb too. That is kinda upsetting because now I cannot drink adult beverages and tell when I have had enough. Numb face used to be my indicator! LOL I am on pain medicine and muscle relaxants to take care of the torn disk and muscle spasams - I am also on Maxalt 10mg with 18 pills a month. We have tried everything to try to stop the headaches but nothing worked. I even had to give myself shots.

It has also done a number on my emotional and mental health as well. I have battled Depression on and off since high school and college - to the point I would hide from everyone. I have been to see a psychiatrist (No I am not ashamed of this fact. I am proud I made the decision to see one - knowing there is a problem is always the first step in fixing said problem) I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Mix meaning I do have mood swings sometimes 10 times a day or one end will last over 2 weeks - the mix part is that symptoms from each end over lap each other. The psychiatrist and psychologist think I may have some PTSD from the accident as well.

I am on so many medications I cannot remember all the names. Suffice it to say we are trying to find a way to reduce the number of meds instead of adding more to treat symptoms instead of the problems. So far we have removed one med from the routine. Thank GOD! Topamax is now HISTORY. YEA!!

And yes I am in counseling. I am not ashamed to admit it. It is helping too. But I am still crazy. lol

I am in a lot of pain - a lot of depression - I cannot work but I am trying to muddle through. I keep trying and that is the important thing.

**OK, end of my accident history lesson**

Mid Life Crisis? I have been thinking about Age a lot lately. Who would have guessed I would have a child at 39. She is 7 now. I think OMG when she is 17 I will be 56. When she is 27 I will be 66. I don't feel that old. 1983 was just yesterday. How can those songs be Golden Oldies?? I definitely do not look 46. I am carded all the time, even to buy lotto tickets. I tell everyone it is the Fat - it holds the wrinkles out! or I say it is the preservatives in the food! (I am not as fat as I was so no jokes about my weight again please).

This time, I am embracing the fact that I do not fit into any group. I am a very out of the box person. Lets say THERE IS NOT BOX. I let my creativity come out! I relish saying stupid things and making puns! I am 46 year old body with a 30 year old soul.

I am at a mid point in my life where I feel like I am fresh out of the one year at Alma College. I am the 25 year old dancing and singing with the band or taking the band on a trip down the river! I am discovering creativity in me I never knew I had. I dance in the rain! Sing at the top of my lungs even though I am not as good a singer as I was in High School. I make up funny accents and talk in them all day long. I will take a day and everything will have to rhyme! Or I will sing everything in Opera style.

I am actually at the beginning of my life! Yes I have health problems - but I can still have fun. I can be a mom - a wife - and a friend. A crazy cat lady too.

I find humor in everything, even the trying times. We may have some hard times - but we pray though them as well as fill the house with laughter.

I am blessed with wonderful friends! Some I cannot visit as much I want as they live in Florida (Babsie)or in Japan (Naoko) some are in Second Life. Some live here in Dahlonega or in Dawsonville (Theresa). Some I am just getting to know - like hubs friends from College and his youth - and his family, and some I am finding in those whom I thought disliked me from High School.

I married a wonderful guy who we both laugh that we have the same brain density. We say things at the same time, finish each others sentences, and while he comes up with movie lines for every situation, I come up with song lyrics!

I am unique. I am blessed. I have all of you!